I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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