the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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