I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
We're not piercing ourselves today.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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