i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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