Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
