theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
