did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
