All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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