I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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