he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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