That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
