What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
