He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
