I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
and she was petting her beer can
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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