Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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