i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
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No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
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Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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