I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize