Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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