I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
