I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
did i walk over a car last night?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
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