we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
