guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
