Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
