you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just had sex on a roof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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