My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
