I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Randomize
