shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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