I think I died a long time ago.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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