Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
