I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
