My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
