I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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