You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
