I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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