Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
