Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
