JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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