Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
