dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
