omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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