Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
