I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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