i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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