During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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