he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
