Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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