Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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