Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
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She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
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Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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