I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
