He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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