had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
