I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
