I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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