you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize