he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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