Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
