Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
