Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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