Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
