So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
