Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
