it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
