so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
