You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
