I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
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