Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
