Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
