i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
