i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
